Checking in and some stuff

There is no good excuse why I'm up this late screwing around on the computer. The reason why is because I don't want to go to bed and deal with yet another round of tomorrow. I'd like to stay in all day, supposed to rain, but I have to do the duties of food shopping, and even if I were to stay in, there be toddlers in the midst.

My summer was spent running from mosquitoes and cursing the heat. The mosquitoes have made me cry on more than one occasion. Would loved to have had the toddler play outdoors more, but I was being assaulted. Next year I'll buy a full blown expensive mosquito suit and look like a moron, but what choice do I have?

I write a lot on my fiction story because if I don't I'll go crazy and take everyone with me. It's a good escape and keeps the nutties down.

I had just written a good chunk of paragraphs I just deleted. Some things are better off not tossed into the view of the public. The shortened gist is that I have spent a long time trying to share my knowledge and wisdom with others, and I guess the problem over the long term has been ineffective communication coupled with trying to fix things for others when what I really needed to fix was myself. As if somehow by finding solutions for others, I would solve the problem myself, but it just doesn't work that way. Or perhaps I was just tired of being on this lonely path and wanted some company along the way. Instead, I more often than not pushed others away, not intentionally, but either through miscommunication, misinterpretation, or my own blindness to my own issues, I feel like I have either been ineffective or detrimental in following my incessant inner nature to help others.

Therefore, I'm taking a step back from it all. I wanted to develop a professional practice guiding others towards their own connection with Spirit, but I've realized that I don't yet have the accumulated wisdom, communication skills, or sense of self to embark on such a journey. One day I may, and when Spirit calls me, I hope I will clearly understand said call. I have felt calls before, but something always went awry. Perhaps this time focusing inward and just being nurturing and creative is what I need to do in this stage of my life. Maybe one day I will have a benevolent influence in this world, but lately, in reviewing my past years, I seem to accomplish little or it runs in the opposite direction. I don't know. Meditation on a mountain for a few dozen years seems to be in order, but such is not my path, not with a toddler running around.

I may share my inspiring stories, but as for solutions and advice, the well has run dry. The only solutions that are ever best for us are found within us anyway, through the help of a spirit guide or a spiritual mentor with far far more wisdom than I, that's for sure.

And maybe I'll stop screwing around in my public speaking club, avoiding the difficult stuff because I'm overstressed and oversensitive. Maybe one day when my thoughts and speech are clear, perhaps the call will come again. Until then, I'm writing robot fiction.

Now that I've spent way too long on here instead of in bed, I guess I'll hit the sack hoping the physical insomnia doesn't strike again (mind not racing but body is, loads of fun.)

Quick update and a big question

So all I've really been doing the past few months is obsessively writing a story that insists on coming out. I'm going to keep writing until the inspiration croaks, but currently I'm nearly finished with the first novel at about 450 pages unless I decide to add a scene I was saving for the second book to the first one. That part is debatable, but by staying up late at night and having extra babysitting for when I go to Toastmasters, I've banged out 450 pages since April 15th, the fastest I've ever written EVER. Granted it's a rough draft. Very rough. But even I'm impressed. Tired and lacking sleep, but impressed.

So here's my question. I have a character that's loosely based on an existing character but has otherwise gone in a different direction. He's a kind, gentle, southern gentleman who sings beautifully similar to Roy Orbison. He's humble and hard-working, polite and respectful. He also has a terrible case of stagefright in the beginning of the story. Oh yes, he's also an alien machine with very humanoid features who was technically born on Earth and so speaks and acts just like a human would.

Now as a teen I really was into Roy Orbison for a while even while I was rocking out to Iron Maiden. However, this was long before the days of google, and until tonight, I never actually looked up any information on Roy Orbison. In the search for some songs for my character to sing in the story, I found Roy's bio on wikipedia. I read the following:

"He was quiet and self-effacing, remarkably polite and obliging – a product, biographer Alan Clayson wrote, of his Southern upbringing."
"Orbison's severe stage fright was particularly noticeable in the 1970s and early 1980s"

So now for the question. Does someone want to explain to me how I created a character just like Roy Orbison without knowing that I was doing it?????

Oh Dreams, why do you mock me?

Here's a recent dream. I was Bella of Twilight and Edward and I were running from these dudes who I guess were other vampires after us to get to me. At some point I was supposed to put on a suit to help protect me from them or something. Then we had to ask for help from a were-groundhog. I recall a car full of clowns.

Now the were-groundhog and the clowns were not the strangest part of this dream for me, believe it or not, though amusing. The strangest part is that I have absolutely not a damn ounce of interest in Twilight. I saw the first movie not by choice but because my dad put it on at my sister's house (and I thought it was a cinematic nightmare, like just poorly filmed), and I didn't care for it. I don't care for vampires in general (Kim's books notwithstanding because they were actually interesting as opposed to the usual vampire schlock). So why in the hell did I receive these symbols in my dream? Ee ya!

But if you really want strange, i did have a powerful dream the other night that I won't go into, but the end still boggles my mind because it was funny and just ridiculous. I happened to turn into one of these forest creatures that were present in the beginning of the dream. They were strange rounded guys that were like gray and white hairy bop-clowns with feet. Anyway, as one of them, I grabbed a huge cell phone that was broken in a flood. I picked it up gingerly, sadly, because it apparently was an old love of mine. Another forest creature was beside me, bigger guy, male (as was I) with a deeper voice. As we walked away from the remnants of the flood, I said (regarding the phone), "She was a beautiful woman." Friend says, "Mm hm." I say, "She had the softest teeth." He says, "That's nasty." Cue ending walking off into the tunneled paths of the deep forest. LMFAO!!

Now that's a dream! This Twilight crap, no thank you.

Delicious Cookie or Choreographer?

If you watch So You Think You Can Dance, you will hate me forever.

This is all my husband's fault, FYI.

One day I told my sister that her (now ex) boyfriend looked like Tice DiOrio. My husband looks at me and says, "Who's Tasty Oreo?"

I am now unable to look at the man without calling him Tasty Oreo.

Now that I've ruined your ability to watch the show without thinking of that, I shall go on my merry way.

FIL Quote of the Week

So FIL was in town for a few days. He was actually pretty well behaved and tactful, so I didn't have much to draw on. Therefore, the following quote will be more funny than anything.

Scene: FIL just bought hubby a Roku box which lets you play netflix and a whole bunch of other multimedia web stuff dealies like movies, tv shows, music, etc.

FIL: Look at that! You can watch all these things! A lot of stuff to watch!
Me: Yeah, but I really don't have the time to watch tv.

Quote of the Week is the response from FIL: You have to make time!


While most people are trying to cut back on watching TV, and I've chosen to write or draw rather than watch tv, his wise suggestion is to make time to stare at the addictive glowing box LMFAO!

Now granted I used to be a TV junkie, but with only antenna service and a toddler sucking the life out of any tv watching, and my preference to write or draw rather than watching other people live their lives, I pretty much watch very very little TV nowadays (except now with So You Think You Can Dance on, I'll have to make an exception.) So I do understand the desire, but to purposely make time for more TV LMFAO! is all I have to say!

Mother's day jollies

So hubby took the boy out for most of saturday so I could have my mother's day present, which was no guys in the house LOL! Love them both, but sometimes they need to go somewhere else for the day in order to keep mommy from chasing them with a frying pan.

I laid in the hammock. Took a hot bath. Wrote and wrote and wrote stuff that will probably never be published unless I can somehow turn fanfiction into non-fan fiction and still have it make sense, but I don't care because I had fun doing it. I prepared the models for my next drawing. And then I got a letter from my credit card company. I had some fraudulent charges and they reissued my card. However, the two charges listed as disputed were NOT the ones I was disputing. Like an IDIOT I called that day to clear it up. I was passed around to about 500 people, none of which understood the simple declaration of "I'm NOT disputing these two charges!!" It took so long my portable phones died in the middle of the conversation. Now I was pmsing that day, noted by my ability to feel really good and peaceful one moment and turn into rage-o-bitch in a split second at the drop of a hat. So I was fired up and angry and smacked myself for even beginning to deal with this. The irony is that today, Monday, I call them and have it cleared up in less than 5 minutes AAAGHHH!!!! My fault. Shouldn't have called. I did that.

That wasted some time that could have been spent ordering myself some indian food, so I missed out on that and found myself warming dinner on my mother's day *grump*. But I'm still owed some sashimi from this upscale place, so I'm not putting too much worry into it. Do want the indian though, and hubby no like. Need to pester fellow indian food friends now...

So all in all it was a good day. Better than last year's when a tree fell, another tree fell on my power and phone lines, and baby groundhogs were tossed to the creek and I felt bad and took them in but they died in the following week :( (FYI I took them to a wildlife rehabilitator, I didn't try to help them myself, but they died anyway) At least this time the only bad incident was the damn phone call that I made in my impatience. But I pounded out probably well over 10 pages of writing which felt good and it was also great weather for the hammock!

PS the Transformers fanfiction is temporarily on pause until the new movie comes out and I'm reinspired to write robot pr0n LOL This is a new thing I figured I'd blast out until I don't care anymore and then post it on fanfiction.net. Sorry, not posting it here, too embarrassing, but I'll provide a link if I ever post it up to those interested.

Latest Masterpiece

Since I don't know who hangs out on Facebook anymore or not, I figured I'd post my recent pencil masterpiece of James the Red Engine. The original is far better than the scanned pic because the scanner light kept washing out the dark colors when it hit the shiny graphite of the pencil, but otherwise I think it looks pretty good scanned. It's at my deviantart page and hopefully embeds properly here:


James the Red Engine BW by ~land-a-joy on deviantART